I didn't shave. On purpose
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
