my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
