Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I party with great urgency now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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