I think I died a long time ago.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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