Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
