She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
