he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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