you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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