I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
