Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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