Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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