I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
