I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
