Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
