wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
