Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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