I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
