I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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