Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
