marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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