So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
