Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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