He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
