i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
