just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
