Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
