After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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