so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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