She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
