I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
