I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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