Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
