My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
