you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
