Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
