I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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