Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
