Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
