We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
