you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was CRYING into my vagina
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
