matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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