AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
