This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
