So drunk its hurt
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
how drunk are you?
Several
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
