At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
