I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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