But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
