alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
