If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
