nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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