Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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