He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst night to have a conscience
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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