I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
